STOP THE BULLYING​

Written By Life Coach Maya Hawa – Founder of ACHIEVE Psychologist
Full Article:

Bullying can affect everyone—those who are bullied, those who bully, and those who witness bullying.

Bullying is defined as anyone acting in a superior way to intimidate someone else. Another term used to describe bullying is ‘Dominance Behavior.’ Although the term “bully” should never be used lightly, 60% of children and adolescents today are being bullied or are involved in one way or another.

Bullying is a repeated and aggressive behavior that involves real or perceived power imbalance. When we think of bullying, we tend to think of children, however this kind of behavior can occur in homes, within families, amongst friends and peers, and in the workplace.

The four most common types of bullying;

• Verbal bullying – teasing, name calling, threatening
• Social bullying- spreading rumors, creating rumors, excluding someone
• Physical bullying- hitting, hurting, destroying another person’s property
• Cyber bullying- social media tricks, chatting, calling, creating hate speech

Although we hope that this will never happen to us or to any of our children, it is important to bully-proof our lives in order to deal with any situation that might come up. Through self-empowerment and building self confidence we equip ourselves and our children with the right tools to face a bully. The major step in helping our children persevere when being bullied is equipping them with a solid foundation of emotional resilience. By creating a nurturing home environment whereby the child feels accepted and valued, parents can help build a strong base for communication.

Bullying can take place anywhere and everywhere, but it is unfortunate that schools are still the hot spot for most cases. Parents can always be on the look out for some red flags that may be silent messages their children may sending them;

• Loosing interest in going to school
• Complaining of headaches and stomach aches
• Crying spells that can’t be explained
• Trouble sleeping
• Aggressive or defensive behaviors
• Loosing things or unexplained broken belongings
• Changes in weight and eating habits

Surely nobody knows your child better than you, however parents may sometimes believe that the change in the child’s behavior is due to a normal developmental transition. Recognizing the warnings signs is an important first step in taking action. Most often children will not directly ask for help.

What bullies don’t understand is that the damage they cause is not short lived. Bullying can effect physical and emotional health, both is short term and later in life. It can lead to injuries, social problems, emotional problems, mental disorders, and in severe cases may lead to suicide.

Most parents tend to teach their children to fight back and mirror the approach of their bully. As much as we might think that this approach will solve the problem, in most cases it simply gives the bully even more power.

The question still remains, what do we teach our children to do?

For starters,the first option is to ignore the bully. They are attempting to get a reaction of some sort from your child so if they don’t react, the bully is not rewarded.They are looking for a reaction to feel powerful. If you guide your child to ignore them, the power remains with your child. However, if the abuse is more physical and dangerous, parents should consider a different approach. It is important for children to understand that telling someone will not backfire negatively. Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Children may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false, as they may fear facing judgement. But no matter what your child does, make sure they don’t turn it around and blame themselves. The reaction should only be a response and never an attempt to start a confrontation. Explaining to your child that turning for help does not jeopardize or threaten their safety or their reputation, instead they become advocates for change and can help save other children from facing similar situations.

As long as your child understands that the main motive of the bully is to place his frustration and anger elsewhere, then your child will understand that the actions of the bully is not necessarily against your child and is rooted from the bully’s insecurities. As a result this will help empower your child and assure that they continuously practice self care.